HELLO BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS (And those who happened to stumble upon my page) I have so much to say — firstly that i suck. i really, really suck. i’ve abandoned this poor blog, which i had poured my heart and soul into and which became my closest confidante during my travels. sigh. secondly — well, i don’t even know where to start. i am overwhelmed by everything that has happened since i truly sat down and took the time to reflect, which was almost about a year and a half ago. everything between then and now — well it’s hard to articulate, hard to write, hard to explain and express… so here are some photos from some places i’ve beennn with people i adore, plus a few (_!_) shots cus I WORK HARD TO EAT RIGHT AND DO SQUATS so SOMEONES GOTTA APPRECIATE IT (#amiright?)
the super short story is that i met a someone — cliche, i know, but isn’t it how all difficult, complicated and beautiful stories all start? he is the best person i know, and he fills my life with so much laughter and light, and being with him has changed me, though it was never intended to be this way. it’s funny how one seemingly innocent and tiny decision, like responding to a facebook post, leads to another innocent and tiny decision, like drunkenly kissing the cute and funny boy by the campfire, which leads to another decision, and then BAM — YOU’RE SUDDENLY HAVING A BABY.
JUST KIDDING. (gotcha.. didn’t i??). what i really meant to say that over time, all these tiny, innocuous moments add up to this wonderfully big and precious experience that two very different people share. To be honest, i am ferociously private about my relationship, but i guess i can’t really talk about my life nowadays without talking about him (even though i am still me and still out there, being independent and experiencing MY life) and please don’t let these beautiful photos fool you. this relationship has really made me feel needy, vulnerable and fucking miserable at times. i’ve cried, i’ve doubted myself and i’ve questioned whyyyy i’ve put in so much effort into something that seems so hard at times… but at the end of the day, he is worth it and until one of us decides otherwise, we’ll continue to work building something special.
OKAY ENOUGH WITH THE GUSHY LOVEY DOVEY STUFF CUS THATS GROSS — more sexxxxx, drugs, and alcohol please! (served with a side of history, politics, and reflection, of course!)
Which brings me back to the current day (kinda) — I’m back on the road again after spending a few months back in New York. I REALLY STRUGGLED when i returned home. i truly felt as if i returned without accomplishing anything, though i realize now that that’s far from the truth. still, everyone has their insecurities and i let mine get to me as i tried to measure up to standards that frankly weren’t my own and that i also didn’t care for. i couldn’t force myself to make small talk with people who only wanted to talk about their jobs or their pursuits that were on pause (i know, i’m a jerk and i’m also super privileged in some ways, but i’ve also worked hard to make my dreams a reality and i’ve risked a lot but HEY.. what the hell do i have to lose. i’m not above flipping burgers or sleeping on floors or roughing it if i get a chance to do what i love ) anyway, after swearing that i wound’s return to an office job, i ended up working at a local neighborhood bar, Forest Hill Station House, which completely altered my relationship with the city.
I met some amazingly talented and hilarious souls that embraced me and reminded me that New York is a dynamic and ever-changing city that allows you to reinvent yourself again and again and again, as long as you’re willing to take that chance. there are communities willing to embrace you, to teach you and to love you. I really fell in love with them and the people who frequented there (all a bunch of characters!) plus it was great to see my best friends and realize that time and distance doesn’t change the love.. and that you can always come home (i know, super annoyingly cliche.. SORRY!! but how lucky am i to call NYC home?)
OH AND I ALSO FOUND ANOTHER AWESOME JOB WORKING FOR A GROUP OF CRAZY TALENTED LADIES IN THE CANNABIS INDUSTRY, AND IT ALLOWS ME TO WORK REMOTELY SOO… thats how i ended up on the road again. as much as i loved being home, it would be silly to not take the opportunity to travel and try and live the digital nomad life. (i promise more about my job later!! it’s been such an awesome learning experience… really proud to be part of this growing (pun intended) industry)
SO i guess that really brings me back to present day! i PROMISE i will talk more about my recent adventures around Europe (including some cannabis related stuff… i told you DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS, though cannabis is medicine!!!) and maybe, just maybe try to recount the ones that were not so recent.. but here we go again. LIVINGTHEDREA is backkkk xoxo